What is your 'lot' in life?

5 Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
    you make my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    surely I have a delightful inheritance.

Psalm 16:5-6

I look at the life of others and I wonder how they go through life in a breeze; how sufferings and trials rarely touch them, and how they get by without a scratch. I look at my life and ponder, is this the lot the Lord has apportioned me? Am I going to endure these burdens for the rest of my life?

‘Lot in my life’ - the saying comes from the story in Genesis on Abraham and Lot. Lot seeks his own future and is tortured for it. Therefore, in his life he finds trouble throughout. 

Today, the Bible tells me that I can find joy in the ‘lot of my life’. How can I find joy on something so heavy and so difficult to deal with everyday? The joy is found in the Giver. I have to acknowledge that God is the giver of my lot. He intends for me to enjoy my life. He is the Great Orchestrator of my life. He will arrange everything for His glory, for my good and for my joy. He will grant me the grace to find the beauty on my sufferings, to wait on Him and to find joy in my toil.

¹⁸ This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. ¹⁹ Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God. ²⁰ They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart. Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

I am looking forward to His redemption. I am looking forward to His deliverance. In the meantime, I will exalt His name, give thanks to Him amidst all the sorrows, look up to Him as the Giver of all of these, and find joy in what the Lord has provided. 

 

On Being Lonely

I feel that most of us are lonely. I must be lonely too. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with so much emotion, I want to scream and attack my Facebook page. This is because maybe I need validation and comfort from my ‘friends’ in my Facebook account. I fail to understand that 60% of the people who will come across my posted status do not really care and will choose to gossip about me. The remaining 40% will actually drop me a private message and will require the entire story from me.

Today I am reminded to turn to the Lord whenever I feel a sudden attack of anger - to lay out everything to Him, and to tell Him my story. He may not give me the answers to my questions immediately but He will grant me the comfort and peace I seek. He will calm my heart. I know this. He just did now.

Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

A wife or a mother first?

Should I be a wife first or a mother first? How does the split go? Should I be 51% wife and 49% mother?

I am a working mother. I have a 9-6 job. I cook dinner when I reach home.; wake up in the morning the following day and pack for the day’s lunch; insert {playing with baby}, insert {taking care of the hubby}, insert {taking care of household stuff}.

My role as a wife means taking care of my husband’s needs. The household should be in order when he comes home from work. Food should be in the table. My 3-month old daughter has not taken so much of my time yet. But I can see ahead now how she can be a handful at home. As a mother, I should pay attention to her needs. Train and nurture her as she develops her senses. I am not the perfect wife or the perfect mother. I treasure my family, I want to give both of them my love.

This is one of the beauties of the life He gave us: the experiences I encounter along the way will teach and reveal to me the answers to these questions. I do not want to get ahead of myself. I know that as the days go by, the Lord will show to us how to manage the home. He will grant the strength, and He will give the grace to sustain us. Until then, I am taking each day at a time, learning from the lessons of today and looking forward to make things better tomorrow.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

My mother

 

They say that when daughters become mothers, and mothers become grandmothers, the mother-daughter relationship is forever changed.

I am a first-time mom. It was very convenient to let my “older and wiser” mother take control and care of my newborn daughter for the first two months. My mother enjoyed every bit of moment with Unica (my 7week old daughter). My little one sleeps with her. My mother sang to her, talked to her and played with her. I rushed home from work to see my daughter safely cradled in my mother’s arms.

Gradually, I am learning the basics on motherhood101. My mother has been a good teacher. We may not agree on certain methods. But we listen to each other and compromise on the best approach for Unica. We are reminded that we are stewards of this precious gift God has entrusted to us. We both love Unica, because we want to glorify Him, the Giver of this gift. Now, I am fully aware of the sacrifices my mother made for us. The journey on raising a child is challenging but the rewards make all of these absolutely worth it and more!

My mother will leave for the Philippines tonight. She will leave behind two beings:

• Her 7week old granddaughter – the joy in our hearts, and the love of our lives
• Her 33 year old daughter – anxiously treading the realms of motherhood; and struggling to survive life in general

Mommy, I will not miss your fussing over the cleanliness of the flat or your constant washing of our laundry. What I will miss the most is the comfort of your presence - to know that no matter what happens, you are just inches away from me. I know that the distance will never be a hindrance of our love. Knowing that we are in each other’s prayers every day, will bring us the comfort and peace we both seek.

I will be the best mother for Unica and I will make you proud.

We love you! See you soon!

 “It’s such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother — that’s why the world calls her GRANDmother.” – Author Unknown

Musings from a First Time Mom

“Motherhood becomes you, Brinee” said a friend of mine a few days back. This made me muse on the small changes that took place in my life since I gave birth.

·       I hum nursery rhymes while taking a bath. Our baby girl listens to nursery rhymes and lullabies all day long. It is no wonder that the music sticks to my head.

·         I rush home from work. No more overtimes. As soon as we enter the flat, my husband and I blast to the room and eagerly take the baby in our arms. Yes, the stories are true. The little angel in our arms takes away all the weariness and tiredness our desk jobs bring.

·         I smile when I see my daughter’s poop. I could not believe how a small poop can make me so happy. It relieves me to know that our little one is healthy and she is excreting her waste regularly.

·         I visit the baby’s section in the shops first. No more shopping for mommy’s new clothes now. She comes first in my heart. She comes first in my wallet too. (Disclaimer: All purchases subject to daddy’s approval.)

·         I take hundreds and hundreds of baby pictures in my mobile. I have over 1300 pictures now. 90 percent of these are her photos. There is no stopping me from clicking and capturing every moment of her.

I am a  first time mother to a 6-week-old baby girl. Her name is Unica Elyse. She is God’s gift to our lives. I know that there will be more first-time experiences to come. There will be more challenges along the way. I am not going to be the picture-perfect, textbook mother. But I know that I will be the perfect mom for my baby.

“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” - Philippians 4:13

Be uplifted! Read this.

Hello there. Yes, you! I know things are difficult now. Some days just feel impossible and unbearable. Your emotions are erratic. You go through the day confused and lost. You feel alone and isolated from everyone. This is me, reminding you of the following:

Ø  You are not in this alone. The Lord who redeemed the Israelites out of bondage, the Lord who delivered you from all your past troubles is the same God who will bring you out of this darkness. You are secure in His unfailing love. He will get you through this. Place your trust in Him. He never fails on His promises.

Ø  Nothing lasts forever. The pain will recede in time. The fog will be lifted, and everything will be in order soon. Cry, and scream if you want to. Soon, you will not be crying every day. The bitterness in your heart will be replaced with love and understanding. The turmoil in your mind will be replaced with peace. Joy will overflow in your life. Do not rush. You will be healed.

Ø  You are strong. You have been through a lot. You weathered all of them and they have made you stronger now. Seek His strength and His guidance. Wake up with a stronger heart. Go through the day and claim victory. Release forgiveness and love.  

Ø  Every day is a blessing. Look around you. You are surrounded with friends and family who treasure and love you. Seek support from them. Receive encouragement from them. Feel their love, never feel lost. You belong to their hearts.

I bet you never realized how strong you are until today. Cheer up, and take each day at a time. This too shall pass.

 “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek His grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.”

Postpartum Blues

Postpartum sucks. Big time. The nine months of pregnancy and the excruciating hours of labor were the two difficult phases I had to endure. However, I prepared myself for these - I read a lot and absorbed all information I could get on pregnancy, labor and delivery. But no one prepared me for the crisis that comes after childbirth. I got a crash course in Postpartum 101. It is rough.

I am humbled. I had no idea how to carry a newborn, how to change a diaper, how to bathe a baby, or how to soothe her cries.  Thanking Him for sending my ever-patient mom to take care of the baby, for taking care of my CS wound, and for teaching me the basics on baby-handling/baby-caring.

I still look pregnant. I know I will not lose weight in an instant. But I also did not really expect to look six months pregnant! The doctor said to blame it on my uterus.  They say it will take a little while for me to lose weight. I am taking it easy now - no rigorous exercises. I am taking my time until I can hit the gym or I can start to jog.

I cry. A lot. I was emotionally strong during pregnancy. I never expected to be an emotional wreck after childbirth. There are just so many things that come to my mind and somehow I get affected with these. There is no other remedy but to pray endlessly to Him to grant me His peace- the peace that surpasses all understanding.

I am socially destroyed. Relationships somehow get ruined. Well, to some extent I have to minimize the time with friends – no more weekend-outs, or spur-of-the-moment weekday dates with them, or endless hours of facebook, whatsapp and viber chats. And there is the husband, he will not look at you the same way he did when you first got married. Duh, you gained over 20kgs!

It gets better. I read that sometime soon, the haze will lift and I will eventually figure out most of these troubles. The ordeals I go through now will somehow prepare me for the greater things to come.  The lessons I learn will equip me to become a better mother, wife and friend.  My happy pill amidst all the grief, is my newborn daughter. One look at her, and all my sadness and despair just melt away. One smile from her, gets me through each day. And if I have to go through another postpartum crisis, I would say yes in a heartbeat. She is worth all these struggles. She is worth the pain.

John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

My First Pregnancy

This blog is dedicated to the most exciting phase in my life – my pregnancy! I am recording the marvelous and the not-so-glamorous moments that happened throughout this period:

The positive pregnancy test

The minute the two red lines appear in the pregnancy test, I immediately rushed to the hospital and had my blood checked. I had to pay twice the amount to get the results after one hour. I could not contain the excitement when I revealed the news to my husband. It was the happiest news we received ever. 

The proof of life

On my first ultrasound at 3 months, we heard the heartbeat and we saw a very tiny being growing inside the womb. We shared the great news to our parents and the rest of our friends. Everyone was so thrilled.

The gender reveal

“The baby is a girl!” The doctor revealed the news to us. I was ecstatic! My husband was silent. It took him a couple of days to finally accept that we are having a girl. He grew up as the only boy in their family. He wanted to have a boy. But gradually, he came to love this precious little girl the Lord gave us. 

The name reveal

My husband did not have difficulty picking up our baby’s first name – Unica. It means “unique”.  The second name was quite a challenge. My husband turned down almost all of my name suggestions. Finally, after an exhaustive research, he finally accepted – Elyse. It means “pledged to God”. Our firstborn’s name will be Unica Elyse M. Don.

The physical changes

I had acne all over my face. I gained almost 20kgs during this period. Swollen. I am swollen all over – my fingers, my face, my breasts and my feet. I was not really happy with my physical self. I had to buy an entire new set of wardrobe, including shoes. I cannot move around easily. I get cramps. I could not sleep at all during the evenings. I felt so dull and so unattractive. But my husband always reminds me that I may look like an elephant now, but he still does love me with all his heart. 

The shopping spree

My mother told me to start buying stuff for the baby on my 7^th month. When I hit the 7^th month mark, we started looking out for baby things. As first time parents, we have no idea what to get. The advises we received from our friends helped and guided us a lot. Eventually, we got the basics: the crib, carseat, stroller, the closet, onesies, blankets and feeding bottles.  And of course, we received lots and lots of gifts from our very generous friends. 

The big day

I am on my 36^th week now. I will reach my full term very soon. Yes, I am very anxious. I wake up at night and tell my husband how scared I am to give birth. The stories I read and hear do not help alleviate my fears. I pray and I surrender everything to Him. I know that the Lord will see us through that day and that He will deliver me and the baby safely. I trust in His undying goodness and His unfailing love. 

On a side note, I checked my first entry for 2014. I achieved three out of four of my 2014 goals. Yes, the three items happened in 2015 but this does not matter. The Lord got me to where He wanted me to be, in His own perfect time.