Postpartum Blues

Postpartum sucks. Big time. The nine months of pregnancy and the excruciating hours of labor were the two difficult phases I had to endure. However, I prepared myself for these - I read a lot and absorbed all information I could get on pregnancy, labor and delivery. But no one prepared me for the crisis that comes after childbirth. I got a crash course in Postpartum 101. It is rough.

I am humbled. I had no idea how to carry a newborn, how to change a diaper, how to bathe a baby, or how to soothe her cries.  Thanking Him for sending my ever-patient mom to take care of the baby, for taking care of my CS wound, and for teaching me the basics on baby-handling/baby-caring.

I still look pregnant. I know I will not lose weight in an instant. But I also did not really expect to look six months pregnant! The doctor said to blame it on my uterus.  They say it will take a little while for me to lose weight. I am taking it easy now - no rigorous exercises. I am taking my time until I can hit the gym or I can start to jog.

I cry. A lot. I was emotionally strong during pregnancy. I never expected to be an emotional wreck after childbirth. There are just so many things that come to my mind and somehow I get affected with these. There is no other remedy but to pray endlessly to Him to grant me His peace- the peace that surpasses all understanding.

I am socially destroyed. Relationships somehow get ruined. Well, to some extent I have to minimize the time with friends – no more weekend-outs, or spur-of-the-moment weekday dates with them, or endless hours of facebook, whatsapp and viber chats. And there is the husband, he will not look at you the same way he did when you first got married. Duh, you gained over 20kgs!

It gets better. I read that sometime soon, the haze will lift and I will eventually figure out most of these troubles. The ordeals I go through now will somehow prepare me for the greater things to come.  The lessons I learn will equip me to become a better mother, wife and friend.  My happy pill amidst all the grief, is my newborn daughter. One look at her, and all my sadness and despair just melt away. One smile from her, gets me through each day. And if I have to go through another postpartum crisis, I would say yes in a heartbeat. She is worth all these struggles. She is worth the pain.

John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”