Overwhelmed

I cannot be upset. I cannot be angry. I have to keep my emotions in check the entire time. I cannot get sick. I cannot complain that I am tired. 

I struggle on balancing my emotions, as a mother, as a woman and as a person. I feel that I can no longer be anyone else but a mother. I am not entitled to just be a person. All I can hear are the words: No, you cannot do that. You are a mother. 

Being a mother to two very beautiful girls, is the best thing that ever happened to me. But sometimes, I just want to let it all out. Sometimes, I want to be angry. Some days, I want to be sad. And sometimes, I want to feel tired. I just want a little room for mistakes, for fears, and for meltdowns. 

But somehow, the label of being a mom has held my emotions back. I know that given my history, any sign of weakness from my end would guarantee the label: crazy and unfit mother.

So I guess, this will be me from now on- a very composed mother from the outside. This amazing and super human strength that allowed me to go through everyday, I draw from my two daughters. And yes, I thank Him for the abundance of grace, without Him, I would not be where I am today.