Confessions of a confused working mom:

Things to do before reporting to work (after my maternity leave):

I will eat sushi. I will go to a salon to get my hair & nails done.

Sadly, I never got to do any of these things. A huge feeling of guilt comes upon me every time I leave the flat & my children behind. This is why I want to spend each possible free time with them: after-work hours, weekends & holidays. Somehow, I told myself that my children will be enough for me. They will fill in all my longings & needs too.

However, this is not the case. I envy ladies with ‘salon-finished’ hair & nails. I envy friends when they go out for dinner & eat their ‘instagram-worthy’ meals. I envy couples who still make time to go on movie dates. I envy people who get to enjoy their weekends, see other people & still get time to chat/talk with others on social media. 

So what is stopping me from doing all these? I tell you. There is this 2 year old little girl who calls me Mommy. She wakes up each morning with the brightest smile & say: Hello, Mommy! She never leaves my side and follows me anywhere - from the kitchen, to the bedroom, & to the CR! We are inseparable. It is because of her need for me that drives me guilty each time I leave the flat. Yes, I may go out with friends, and yes, I may take a weekend off, but while away, my thoughts will always be on this little girl who I know is waiting for her Mommy to come home. 

Maybe this is just me, or maybe this is just a phase, but all I know right now is I want to try to be always there for my children. They only have one Mommy, I want to stay & be their Mommy for as long as I can. 

A wife or a mother first?

Should I be a wife first or a mother first? How does the split go? Should I be 51% wife and 49% mother?

I am a working mother. I have a 9-6 job. I cook dinner when I reach home.; wake up in the morning the following day and pack for the day’s lunch; insert {playing with baby}, insert {taking care of the hubby}, insert {taking care of household stuff}.

My role as a wife means taking care of my husband’s needs. The household should be in order when he comes home from work. Food should be in the table. My 3-month old daughter has not taken so much of my time yet. But I can see ahead now how she can be a handful at home. As a mother, I should pay attention to her needs. Train and nurture her as she develops her senses. I am not the perfect wife or the perfect mother. I treasure my family, I want to give both of them my love.

This is one of the beauties of the life He gave us: the experiences I encounter along the way will teach and reveal to me the answers to these questions. I do not want to get ahead of myself. I know that as the days go by, the Lord will show to us how to manage the home. He will grant the strength, and He will give the grace to sustain us. Until then, I am taking each day at a time, learning from the lessons of today and looking forward to make things better tomorrow.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

Musings from a First Time Mom

“Motherhood becomes you, Brinee” said a friend of mine a few days back. This made me muse on the small changes that took place in my life since I gave birth.

·       I hum nursery rhymes while taking a bath. Our baby girl listens to nursery rhymes and lullabies all day long. It is no wonder that the music sticks to my head.

·         I rush home from work. No more overtimes. As soon as we enter the flat, my husband and I blast to the room and eagerly take the baby in our arms. Yes, the stories are true. The little angel in our arms takes away all the weariness and tiredness our desk jobs bring.

·         I smile when I see my daughter’s poop. I could not believe how a small poop can make me so happy. It relieves me to know that our little one is healthy and she is excreting her waste regularly.

·         I visit the baby’s section in the shops first. No more shopping for mommy’s new clothes now. She comes first in my heart. She comes first in my wallet too. (Disclaimer: All purchases subject to daddy’s approval.)

·         I take hundreds and hundreds of baby pictures in my mobile. I have over 1300 pictures now. 90 percent of these are her photos. There is no stopping me from clicking and capturing every moment of her.

I am a  first time mother to a 6-week-old baby girl. Her name is Unica Elyse. She is God’s gift to our lives. I know that there will be more first-time experiences to come. There will be more challenges along the way. I am not going to be the picture-perfect, textbook mother. But I know that I will be the perfect mom for my baby.

“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” - Philippians 4:13